Detroit Metal City

Never since I’ve been to Anime North 5 years ago have I seen so many Japanese School Girls. It was as if all of Japan exploded and the fallout landed in Toronto. Not that that is a bad thing. This was one of the most hysterical crowds ever for Midnight Madness. So many piccha-picchas, and I thought I was going to have an epileptic episode from all the flashing lights. It’s all because the star was here for the International Premier. I love this guy, he was the only one at MM in full tuxedo. Class, pure class man. I was going to abbreviate the title to DMC but it bears too much resemblance to my favorite hack and slash Devil May Cry.

Detroit Metal City
Directed by Toshio Lee

First and foremost it needs to be said that this is a movie based on the manga of the same name. I have always had a bitter shit taste to the thought of Manga – Movie adaptations. Because in manga I could always skip to pages when it gets too boring, but I’m stuck in the movie. And Japanese films always have a flair for the over dramatic, dialogue delivery is like staring at an establishing shot of Mount Rushmore, just a bunch a sad looking heads. I am glad to say that Detroit Metal City has none of that shit. This film is foukin’ balls to your mom awesome. Even the obligatory crying scene is foukin’ manic – I’m looking at you Battle Royale 2 you stupid turd.

I guess you want to know a little about the story, if you already know the movie I foukin love you. What are you willing to do for stardom? Would you work shit jobs to make your way up the ladder? Would you kill your competition? Or would you just settle for whatever comes your way? You want to be a star don’tcha? Our Hero Negashi in a way does all three, this is a very very liberal interpretation. Negashi wants to become a pop music sensation and has traveled to Tokyo to fulfill his dreams. Negashi wants to be well accepted in the “Trendy” crowd, fouk seeing the ridiculous stlye they have I want to be trendy too, too bad I’m FAT in Japan. Unfortunately for Negashi, the only band willing to take him is a death metal band called Detroit Metal City, probably one of the best foukin names ever. The two other members of the band are their bassist Masayuki Wada / Alexander Jaggi who is your typical feminine Japanese male. And their drummer Terumichi Nishida / Camus who is a fatty who can’t open his mouth unless it’s about girl gym shorts, this is my kinda dude. Negashi goes by the alias Jonas Krauser III and wears a pound of KISS make-up and Death Metal armor. The Krauser persona is infamous for being a serial killer/rapist/arsonist among the death metal crowd, all of which humiliates Negashi. He truly wants to play bubble gum pop instead of death metal, but whenever he tells his uber chuck norris band manager Boss, played by super hot Yasuko Matsuyuki, it results in a roundhouse kick to the face and the hot end of her cigarette. She refuses Negashi to play anything that doesn’t get her wet. And the only music leaks her plumbing is Death Metal I swear to god/gods/existential interplanetary beings that I did not make this up, the translator did.

The movie plot starts when he bumps into the crush girl from college Yuri Aikawa. Detroit Metal City has slowly been building momentum and a strong fan base, but he is embarrassed because it isn’t “trendy”. There is an awesome scene where he gets a date with Aikawa but has to attend a promotional show for the next single. Intermittently he attends both, constantly changing costume and make-up. Ultimately he confuses his two identities and scares off Aikawa.

Another great scene is when he returns home to his family because his love life is in a slump. It turns out his good natured younger brother has become one of his raving fans who does nothing but listens to his music. He transforms into Krauser to instill the old family ethics but with a Death Metal twist. Best part ever is when his younger brother makes fun of Negashi’s Mushroom Cut. Krauser explains that it is the most “indecent hair cut” because it is in the shape of a penis.
Their band manager takes them on nation wide tour for a battle of the bands. We see Kauser compete against Japanese Rappers where he demolishes them with his Death Rapping. And an all girl punk band where he commits autoeroticaphixiation. Well not actually, he’s thrown from the rafters and gets strangled by some chains. The bands performance shoots them up the number one position in the Japanese charts. This catches the attention of legendary metal star Jack II Dark played by Gene Simmons. This is probably the only time you will ever hear these words uttered; Gene Simmons was great. Please have a moment of silence for my dignity.



Detroit Metal City was a ravenous metal comedy. I would fouck my friend Robin’s ass in hell to see this movie again, or maybe just pay the 12 bucks. Anyhoo what to say about the Q & A? The director, actor, and producer don’t speak English so we had to wait for the translational delay. But all those fouking V fingered girls would beat us to the punch on the jokes. I’m just glad no one pull that disrespectful, “Hey I can speak the same language as them so I will ask them a question in Japanese and completely ostrachize the rest of the audience.” There was a guy like that at the Sexy Killer Q & A, what a Douche.